| | Current Music: | What the hell is a stipulation? - Reggie and the Full Effect | | Time: | 11:32 pm |
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| Sometimes, after i fill up my tank with some gas, the fuel indicator doesn't register right away. Instead, as i'm driving, it slowly climbs back up. I like to pretend i'm driving some super car that makes its own gas as it drives.
Finally getting caught up with school. Not having books for two classes makes it a little hard, but i think i got it under control.
Went up north last weekend. Had a blast. Went to a gallery saturday night which was really cool. Some of the art was awesome. After driving around LA for a little bit we went to a party. I really had a lot of fun, i drank and it was enjoyable (really enjoyable). Sunday was Sunshine, Venice beach (delicious), and Santa Monica. Thank you so much for showing me those places, i had no idea they even existed.
AS i'm typing this, i'm watching [adult swim] and listening to my father snore. I'm just kinda spacing out.
I need to start thinking about what i'm gonna do my first speech on in class. It has to be an informative speech, kind of a how to. What can i teach in 7 ish minutes that i know how to do. Oh, and i need props, so if its cooking, bring it, etc... | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment   |
| I've been trying to update this thing for like two weeks, but every time I get something written, either my computer crashes because its a piece of shit or something else distracts me and when i come back to it i re-read what i wrote and think its shit so i delete it.
It's been busy for me for the past couple weeks. Finally got the money thing figured out for school. Yay textbooks!
I have lots of pictures i would love to edit and be able to put online but i can't edit them because my computer just can't handle it. There have been a lot of times recently that i had wished i had a good digital camera with me to take a shot or try out an idea. Which reminds me that i need to go buy some film today for my camera. Maybe my tax refund will be a nice sized amount like it was last year.
I've had a big urge lately to bake something. I guess that sounds a little gay to admit, but i really just want a whole bunch of muffins or something.
This month and next month are going to be busy busy. I'm excited for it all, March has way too much going on for me to do it all though... :(
i want new books to read..... | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| My Grandma had a large stroke a couple days ago.
We weren't sure at first because she didn't show any physical signs, she just seemed a little spacey. even when we called an ambulance and they took her to Grossmont they weren't even sure. The CAT scans show a large blood clot about the size of a fist in the back of her brain. If it was in the front it could have done some serious serious damage.
I spent all morning driving in giant circles and sitting in waiting rooms. I am tired as shit.
I just got back from visiting my grandma in the hospital. I fucking hate the hospital. as soon as i walked in i felt weird. it felt like the floor was shaking under my feet, plus they have the worst elevators ever. You feel like you are being shot up the levels with a sling shot. Fucking sucks.
It was hard to see my grandma in a room all hooked up to shit like that. It was hard when i had to go see my grandpa after his heart attack. I just don't like seeing them so vulnerable and old. when i was little it seemed like they could live forever. Nothing fazed my grandpa, and even when my grandma fell through the rotten deck when i was little, or when she fell in the garden and broke the fuck out of her face, she just laughed about it. It didn't seem to hurt her much at all. My grandpa is kinda a wreck. I've never seen him so shaken up.
The good news is that they have a very good chance of taking care of her clot without any permanent damage.
Is it weird that i'm looking forward to a busy season at work? I could really use the distraction... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| So i cleaned out my old truck a little today. man there was a lot of crap in the back. now i got to fix up some stuff and hopefully it'll be good to go.
December is a busy month. the holidays always make everything seem so rushed. i dunno. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| So i went to Julian on Saturday, and my dumb ass forgot to get some pie when we were done at the graveyard. I went with kiwi and we had sandwiches and smoked at the cemetery. The drive was a lot of fun. i just like driving though hills and mountains with good music on.
On Sunday we went to Balboa Park. I haven't been in a few months and its been a while since i had been there during the day. Kiwi lets me play with her camera so i've been taking some more photos recently. I really need to get a nice digital camera. My little sony just ain't cuttin it.
Tonight my boss Kat is going to show me some old abandoned building about a 1/2 an hour east of here. i'm excited. creepy buildings at night? wheeee!
p.s. I love you. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| So I have been really itching for a good road trip lately. I guess its been a while. The last time i went to Colorado was almost two years ago and i flew there. I really don't know what it is but if i don't make the drive every so often it starts bugging me. I can feel it when I'm driving anywhere. i just want to keep going sometimes and not stop for a couple days.
p.s. i want to see animals. i haven't been to the wild animal park since i was a little kid. lets go. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| I hate the fact that even though I'm back from Florida, i'm still out of touch with my friends.
i don't know, i guess everyone just got used to me not being around and they don't even think about it anymore. i hate getting repeatedly blown off and ignored. Maybe i changed, and you can't stand hanging out with me any more. I guess I'm just sick of being the only one who even seems to give a fuck. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | so i got stabbed at work today with a used needle someone threw in the trash. in six weeks i have to go get my blood retested to make sure i don't have AIDS. | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| | For the past few weeks my internal clock has been all sorts of fucked up. i can't fall asleep until around 4 in the morning and its really hard to drag my ass out of bed before 1 in the afternoon. Last night i tried to go to bed at 12 to get my shit back together. Instead of working, my plan backfired. I spent almost three hours staring at my ceiling, overthinking things. I have a really big problem with dwelling on things, which causes me to stress out needlessly, which in turn kicks in my depression. its a lovely cycle that a doctor told me pills could fix, but i fucking hate pills so i'll just deal with it. There are people out there who have it way worse then me and if they can handle their lives, then god dammit i'm gonna get mine together. Anyway, when i finally fell alseep last night, i was thinking about my brother in Colorado and how i really want to fly him out here this summer after he graduates high school. you know, as a present. (the poor kid has never seen an ocean or been farther west then Colorado) Anyway, all that thinking about my brother gave me a really fucked up dream. I dreamt that my brother was about 6. For some reason my mother, him and I were staying at a hotel. Anyway, long story short, he fell off the balcony and died. The reason it was so fucked up is because the entire dream felt real to me, thats never happened before. There was even a moment later on in the dream where i was talking to someone and i was telling them that no one real close to me has died before, which is very true. It seemed to go on forever. i don't know how much time usually passes in a dream, but i swear that dream went on forever. When i woke up, i still thought he was dead. Thats weird because I don't remember dreams. i remember the first nightmare i ever had (faces popping out of walls) and i remember having a dream that involved Scooby doo, Nazis and Batman (best dream ever). I've had other dreams before, I'll wake up with pieces flashing through my brain, but i can't ever really remember them. I'm just not a big dreamer i guess because i spend so much of my time awake daydreaming. But this dream... I still close my eyes and can see my brother falling, and that just scares the fuck out of me. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| They say that when you die your life flashes before your eyes. Tonight i spent an hour of doing that without the pain of dying.
I have always felt as if my life has been a story. I don't know who the story is intended for, but when that day comes, i will eagerly await their critique. I realized early on that i am, well, for lack of a better word, a character. And being that i feel the best place for a character is in a story, i started writing.
My story starts in seventh grade. To me, thats when life really started, so it seems like a good place to start. Now, when i say life really started in seventh grade, what i mean to say is that is when i first started hating life, and by hating life i had realized its exsistance, thus its beginnings. Seventh grade is the first chapter in the tale that has become my life. I had become so busy with the creation of my story that i had forgotten all about the prologue. I had just simply pushed it aside in my mind and forgot about it for the next 9 years. Totally and utterly forgotten.
Recently i have taken up residence once again at my uncles house. I have lived here twice before, the last being 3/4 of my senior year. Driving home tonight with nothing at all to do caused me to act on a whim. See, my uncle lives in Rancho San Diego. The entire first half of my life pretty much took place in about seven locations withen a 4 mile radius inside of Rancho San Diego. So you can say I have memories here. Memories I had all but fogotten. My whim was to take a side street on the way home. That was all. just a little side street, something to make the ride home that much longer because i was dreading it. That side street turned out to be connected to another street, of which i had happened to live at one time. When this thought had struck me, i decided to swing over to that street, swing by the old place, see if what i'm suddenly recalling is anything like the actual building. So i did. And it was how i had remembered it. But of course, those memories, recalled other memories, of another house i used to live in. just a few blocks from here. It wouldn't take more then a couple minutes to swing by that place as well would it? After making that same realzation and decision about two more times i figured i might as well make a night out of it and visit every location i could remember here in Rancho.
Over an hour later i had swung by a total of 8 houses, 3 schools and countless corners, cul de sacs, friends houses, random hang out locations and other such sights. It was like taking a guided tour through my first life. Remember, i say first because i feel as if my current life started after that.
I feel different now. I don't know how to explain it. But i would say its like a light version of what a patient with amnesia must feel when everything lines back up in their head and DING! It all comes pouring back in. Thats kinda how i feel. Like my head is just way overful and i need some time to make some new room for all this crap i had unearthed.
p.s. The store next to the workshop threw away like 20 big unopened boxes in the dumpsters yesterday. Me and my partner, being both of the curious sort, snagged a couple boxes, threw them in the truck bed and took off. Turns out the boxes are all fullof COUNTDOWN TO 2000! clocks. Seriously. Boxes full of clocks that were made in 1998 to countdown the days until 2000. Then they tossed in a trashcan, not even to be openned or turned on until 2006. God, i hope my life doesn't turn out like that. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| I received a call late yesterday that Mitchell's funeral arrangements will now be at his grave instead of at the hospice. Please help me pass the word.
It will now be Saturday, Sept. 10 at 10:30.
Glen Abbey
Memorial Park & Mortuary
3838 Bonita Rd.
Bonita, CA 91902 | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Hey Guys;
I am sorry to be contacting you about this, but here is Mitchell's
fuuneral info. Believe me when I tell you that it was because of the
people in WHHS that he was able to make it to graduation. I have seen
thousands graduate, but few touched me or made me so proud as that day
last in june.
I will not be able to attend due to call-backs, but as long as you are
there my spirit will be there too.
Please try to car-pool as there will not be much parking available I
understand.
Sept. 9th - 6:30pm
San Diego Hospice
"Tribute Garden"
4311 3rd Ave.
San Diego, 92013
Please keep in touch with me, and with each other.
Bill Deerfield
"MrD"
PS - When is everyone turning 21???
Edit: Mr D and i were thinking about a dinner after the service on friday where we can all meet up with him (since he can't go to the service), please come if you are able to, the D would love to see us all and i think it'd be something nice for us all to get together. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Straylight Run - The Perfect Ending | | Time: | 01:24 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/stars/happy.gif) thankful |
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| Take in the context,
It's not a bad thing,
But when you start to pick it apart,
And you get so depressed,
It's that sort of thing,
That makes you think too much,
It's that sort of thing,
Makes you lose your objectivity,
So if you made it,
Just be glad that you did and stay there,
If you ever feel loved or needed,
Remember that you're one of the lucky ones,
And if it's over,
Just remember what I told you,
It was bound to happen so just...
Keep moving on,
There's no perfect endings,
You peeled back the layers
And get down to the inside,
But sometimes you loose sight,
Of what it was you were trying to find,
And it's that sort of thing,
That makes you think too much,
It's that sort of thing,
Makes you lose your objectivity
So if you made it,
Just be glad that you did and stay there,
If you ever feel loved or needed,
Remember that you're one of the lucky ones,
And if it's over,
Just remember what I told you,
It was bound to happen so just...
Keep moving on,
There's no perfect endings,
No perfect endings. | | comments: Leave a comment |
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